Back to Old school :-)

I am back to old school....yup with refresh feelings.....No more grudges for what i did and i do and i will do......But i know only one thing....I can't get more than my fortune ...., i didn't lost more than my fortune....

Dad i tried a lot....but i cudn't achieved it...i am  keep on trying but somehow you should accept it ..its not in my fortune. ...so please don't force me again...i am happy in my life and accept what i have....

Sometimes i loose myself for a moment but another second i start feeling myself again...

Life kabhi bahot jada complicated ho jaati hai..ek paheli khud k liye hain....aaj mujhe buri feelings de rahi  hai....kal yahi feelings shayd itni pyaari ho ki pucho matt....

i don't know why this always....i am responsible for myself but i am happy to be very much responsible :-)

Three drops of mothe worm

aaj bhi roj ki tarah maine apni mummy se phone parr baat kari...she was worried about me , Megha my elder sister and poorva ....sometimes she always complaint and on the other second she says i am lucky to have three daughters like you....megha and poorva....

Mother is like that only..always complaining and always worry about their kids....i know my mom had faced many up and down during pregnancy and i think its cause and effect on us ..in our nature and behavior...when she was pregnant first time....she always have suspicious behavior about the world and always scared on loosing of saying something and did lot of hardwork, struggle with 100% dedication and this shown dedication toward our family....my elder sister have the same nature....

When she was pregnant second time..she was too bold and blunt and ignored by few near and dear of her life , she had good will power ...and i think i have the same reflection ....

when she was pregnant third time...she was in the biggest pain of insecurity..financial crisis and need lot of support...and my younger sister have the same nature....

We are the three drop of mother worm and feeling of three phase of 10 yrs of her marriage.....she tried alot to protect us from all of above weakness and wanted to be strong ...but somehow she couldn't saved us....

its very tough to control but i know its not as tough to stop this....

my one thing she gave us....clear heart and saying the truth.....and love ....we are like this...infact our dad soul is like this only....anyone of us in pain and tension....all of us feel the same...its nothing a strong bonding and drop of love and mother warmness....

You lost me!!

Yup, I gave the statement to my close friend....she doesn't trust on me...she lost me!! I told her u lost me....
Friendship is the biggest gift in this world....parent blessing always with you...but true friendship not always with you.....

i don't know its my mistake or the situation was the reason....may be the root of relation was not strong...she has shown her arrogant and suspicious nature and i couldn't bear it....because i had a proud and over confidence about the bonding....which hurt me at the end of picture....

i always all my ear...eyes and mind....i never ignore and forget the things very easily but i always forgive and give chance....now this time no chance ...because i got the same thing forth fifth time in my life...

now my experience says...don't attach with anybody....attachment...don't do too much for anybody except parents.....

forget about the best...always believe in better relationship and bonding....again its the question of expectation....and feelings...i lost it...dil se....

Dharam sankat of my Life

I am in tension today.I came to know something about my replacement within a team and i don't wanna go there....because of some personal reasons..I don't wanna work with the person with whom i have the biggest problem and misunderstanding.I know he is very much smart and he will try his the best to take benefits of my known weakness....

But the lesson of IT world, don't merge your personal and professional problem...always be fair in love and war......but how do i control my feelings and anger....Well i have to do...i have to be smart...i faced the same problem earlier too...and i know how to handle it...

Sometimes "Dharamsankat" of your life guide you lesson of life and motivate you to become more practical and smart...and i think upcoming challenge would be the new lesson for me...and Hope this challenge will give me right direction and good for me...so i should be positive right....

I remember , i faced the same problem in my last project last year..one of my fav team member swapnil, got the poor rating because of some bad politics in TCS and i have to help him and manager wants me to force him to do lot of work rather than release from team.....i know both are right at their end and both are equally important for me...that situation was completely diplomatic for me ...at that time i didn't knw how the problem got solved...now both are happy at their end....

One thing always to remember, If you are right and honest at your end ...God (for me positive energy) always help you .....Honesty is the best policy and smartness is the guarantee of policy for life time..

Dharama sankat is nothing..it is a quiz which you have to solve by taking right steps with diplomatic and honest mind....yes both words contradict each other but not exactly.....It's not tough to change ....it's very tough to adapt!!

H1 Visa door of unsatisfaction....

I am writing this article to share some personal experience and connection between life and un satisfaction.Life is what ? Nothing and it is everything the only difference i can feel  is if it is beautiful , you would say ...we are satisfied and if you are sad and struggling then you would say , i am unsatisfied......

Same as when you don't have job you always say we are unsatisfied and always pray in front of god-"hey bhagu job lagva de...main prasad chadaunga ...main yeah karunga ...main voh karunga....." aur jab job lag jaati hai...your felings like.....peak time of love making and satisfaction level can't defined in words..just feel it....
few months later..its like.....kya hua its ok...job hai...sabke pass hai ...extra kya hai humare pass...and this kinda feelings are door of unsatisfaction....!!

The same thing happened with me, few months back i was crazy to come to US and have some calculations in my mind and the day i got the visa , i was like Miss India for me and Miss universe for my family and life for me ...wow its beautiful......now its being 1 year now......feelings has totally changed....i always say what a big deal to work in US with big brand......its OK...Now i want to work for wall street.....1  job in wall street ...and one house in US is the last wish....is it? Really?

I know i will have all above in few months ....but what about next phase of life? After few years i will be the same as i am now...unsatisfied....dukhi...sadiest!

Sometimes my mind set behave indifferent like.....i don't wanna earn big money ...i don't wanna have number of flats in India..i know its all about false statement of life...no satisfaction in this greediness...i just want to have handsome salary and home....with family and kids ....but again its unsatisfaction....because my heart demand the same.....Kids should be more confortable..house should be big and Salary is handsome if it is Really handsome.....

One thing i understand we human being can never change....for us life is always unsatisfaction and no one can win this layer....ya but we can put the efforts to markdown its dominance...

Latest trend in our life-"H1 Visa ....job change in US...." latest slogan of IT man....every s/w engineer is thinking like this....GC chahaiye..90K ka package chahaiye....etc etc....

I am not able understand...why this struggle? why you need so much of money which you can't enjoy it....if you are in America , you should be American....for god sake try to understand this line...to be an American is very tough to adapt and to in  America is very easy to stamp!!

So ball in your court to decide..which is better to have satisfaction and unsatisfaction....

akhiri saans

aaj aakhiri khatt hai tumhare naam.....shayd yeah voh akhiri samaan hai joh lautana hai....kuch is  tarah samjhaana hai hai........kari hai dillagi ....kiya tha tum parr aetbar....

khamosh nazaron se dekha....khaamoshi ko samjha....magar shayd humara pyaar he khamosh tha joh sab kuch kahe kar hi khaamsoh tha....

kahena tha tumsey ...kahe nahin paayi....pukaarna tha tumhe...tum pukar nahin paaye....shayd aab akhiri saans main kahungi....haan yeah mohabhabt thi joh khamoshi main thi....ek sundar aehsaas tha....mitha sa pyar tha....

pukaar lena....jab yaad aaye ..aaungi sab bandhan tod kar.....rukungi nahin kahin nahin.....sab chod aaungi.....

Age matter?

Yesterday I attended party of my few onsite folks , but I am sorry to say..I haven't enjoyed it....I got bored and somehow ek doubt mind main aa gaya hai....am i eligible for this young group?

I don't know few days before I was mad for their company and enjoy their college typo jokes and non sense and funny talks....it was new for me and some how refreshing...but as the time is passing..ek irritation si ho rahi hai......I am not enjoying them anymore and I am expecting something mature and grown up company......I want to have some special social discussion which I used to do in Delhi with friends of my age group......

Is it matter of age gap? may be the phase of 4 month was "chaar din ki chadani" ...I have lost all charm of this change and now I am back to my old house....I am feeling myself as a different person ...and this is again strange for myself too...The person  I like the most is now more irritating for me...I am not able to bear his jokes anymore.....I want to slap him and ask him to seal his lips....

Its not like I am getting boring... Oldie  and don't wanna have fun in my  life...but somehow I want to do it in mature way....I am feeling now I am grown up......my age and mental level won't accept it now...and I also  knows it is not time being feelings.. It is ROM feelings which is absolutely  non volatile

One thing I realize , sometimes you should left your life decision on time and time is seriously the best healer....and Today it has given me proof...few days back I was going on wrong track and confused about myself and my life goals ...but today's morning is like new life for me...and I think I am clear now and hope won't repeat the  mistake again...........

In my whole conversation I am not saying you should not have young folks in your life....but its good to have mature company with time .....Age gap doesn't matter , what matter only company !!

Company somehow depend on age group and your mindset.....and my mindset has changed now...