Back to Old school :-)

I am back to old school....yup with refresh feelings.....No more grudges for what i did and i do and i will do......But i know only one thing....I can't get more than my fortune ...., i didn't lost more than my fortune....

Dad i tried a lot....but i cudn't achieved it...i am  keep on trying but somehow you should accept it ..its not in my fortune. ...so please don't force me again...i am happy in my life and accept what i have....

Sometimes i loose myself for a moment but another second i start feeling myself again...

Life kabhi bahot jada complicated ho jaati hai..ek paheli khud k liye hain....aaj mujhe buri feelings de rahi  hai....kal yahi feelings shayd itni pyaari ho ki pucho matt....

i don't know why this always....i am responsible for myself but i am happy to be very much responsible :-)

Three drops of mothe worm

aaj bhi roj ki tarah maine apni mummy se phone parr baat kari...she was worried about me , Megha my elder sister and poorva ....sometimes she always complaint and on the other second she says i am lucky to have three daughters like you....megha and poorva....

Mother is like that only..always complaining and always worry about their kids....i know my mom had faced many up and down during pregnancy and i think its cause and effect on us ..in our nature and behavior...when she was pregnant first time....she always have suspicious behavior about the world and always scared on loosing of saying something and did lot of hardwork, struggle with 100% dedication and this shown dedication toward our family....my elder sister have the same nature....

When she was pregnant second time..she was too bold and blunt and ignored by few near and dear of her life , she had good will power ...and i think i have the same reflection ....

when she was pregnant third time...she was in the biggest pain of insecurity..financial crisis and need lot of support...and my younger sister have the same nature....

We are the three drop of mother worm and feeling of three phase of 10 yrs of her marriage.....she tried alot to protect us from all of above weakness and wanted to be strong ...but somehow she couldn't saved us....

its very tough to control but i know its not as tough to stop this....

my one thing she gave us....clear heart and saying the truth.....and love ....we are like this...infact our dad soul is like this only....anyone of us in pain and tension....all of us feel the same...its nothing a strong bonding and drop of love and mother warmness....

You lost me!!

Yup, I gave the statement to my close friend....she doesn't trust on me...she lost me!! I told her u lost me....
Friendship is the biggest gift in this world....parent blessing always with you...but true friendship not always with you.....

i don't know its my mistake or the situation was the reason....may be the root of relation was not strong...she has shown her arrogant and suspicious nature and i couldn't bear it....because i had a proud and over confidence about the bonding....which hurt me at the end of picture....

i always all my ear...eyes and mind....i never ignore and forget the things very easily but i always forgive and give chance....now this time no chance ...because i got the same thing forth fifth time in my life...

now my experience says...don't attach with anybody....attachment...don't do too much for anybody except parents.....

forget about the best...always believe in better relationship and bonding....again its the question of expectation....and feelings...i lost it...dil se....

Dharam sankat of my Life

I am in tension today.I came to know something about my replacement within a team and i don't wanna go there....because of some personal reasons..I don't wanna work with the person with whom i have the biggest problem and misunderstanding.I know he is very much smart and he will try his the best to take benefits of my known weakness....

But the lesson of IT world, don't merge your personal and professional problem...always be fair in love and war......but how do i control my feelings and anger....Well i have to do...i have to be smart...i faced the same problem earlier too...and i know how to handle it...

Sometimes "Dharamsankat" of your life guide you lesson of life and motivate you to become more practical and smart...and i think upcoming challenge would be the new lesson for me...and Hope this challenge will give me right direction and good for me...so i should be positive right....

I remember , i faced the same problem in my last project last year..one of my fav team member swapnil, got the poor rating because of some bad politics in TCS and i have to help him and manager wants me to force him to do lot of work rather than release from team.....i know both are right at their end and both are equally important for me...that situation was completely diplomatic for me ...at that time i didn't knw how the problem got solved...now both are happy at their end....

One thing always to remember, If you are right and honest at your end ...God (for me positive energy) always help you .....Honesty is the best policy and smartness is the guarantee of policy for life time..

Dharama sankat is nothing..it is a quiz which you have to solve by taking right steps with diplomatic and honest mind....yes both words contradict each other but not exactly.....It's not tough to change ....it's very tough to adapt!!

H1 Visa door of unsatisfaction....

I am writing this article to share some personal experience and connection between life and un satisfaction.Life is what ? Nothing and it is everything the only difference i can feel  is if it is beautiful , you would say ...we are satisfied and if you are sad and struggling then you would say , i am unsatisfied......

Same as when you don't have job you always say we are unsatisfied and always pray in front of god-"hey bhagu job lagva de...main prasad chadaunga ...main yeah karunga ...main voh karunga....." aur jab job lag jaati hai...your felings like.....peak time of love making and satisfaction level can't defined in words..just feel it....
few months later..its like.....kya hua its ok...job hai...sabke pass hai ...extra kya hai humare pass...and this kinda feelings are door of unsatisfaction....!!

The same thing happened with me, few months back i was crazy to come to US and have some calculations in my mind and the day i got the visa , i was like Miss India for me and Miss universe for my family and life for me ...wow its beautiful......now its being 1 year now......feelings has totally changed....i always say what a big deal to work in US with big brand......its OK...Now i want to work for wall street.....1  job in wall street ...and one house in US is the last wish....is it? Really?

I know i will have all above in few months ....but what about next phase of life? After few years i will be the same as i am now...unsatisfied....dukhi...sadiest!

Sometimes my mind set behave indifferent like.....i don't wanna earn big money ...i don't wanna have number of flats in India..i know its all about false statement of life...no satisfaction in this greediness...i just want to have handsome salary and home....with family and kids ....but again its unsatisfaction....because my heart demand the same.....Kids should be more confortable..house should be big and Salary is handsome if it is Really handsome.....

One thing i understand we human being can never change....for us life is always unsatisfaction and no one can win this layer....ya but we can put the efforts to markdown its dominance...

Latest trend in our life-"H1 Visa ....job change in US...." latest slogan of IT man....every s/w engineer is thinking like this....GC chahaiye..90K ka package chahaiye....etc etc....

I am not able understand...why this struggle? why you need so much of money which you can't enjoy it....if you are in America , you should be American....for god sake try to understand this line...to be an American is very tough to adapt and to in  America is very easy to stamp!!

So ball in your court to decide..which is better to have satisfaction and unsatisfaction....

akhiri saans

aaj aakhiri khatt hai tumhare naam.....shayd yeah voh akhiri samaan hai joh lautana hai....kuch is  tarah samjhaana hai hai........kari hai dillagi ....kiya tha tum parr aetbar....

khamosh nazaron se dekha....khaamoshi ko samjha....magar shayd humara pyaar he khamosh tha joh sab kuch kahe kar hi khaamsoh tha....

kahena tha tumsey ...kahe nahin paayi....pukaarna tha tumhe...tum pukar nahin paaye....shayd aab akhiri saans main kahungi....haan yeah mohabhabt thi joh khamoshi main thi....ek sundar aehsaas tha....mitha sa pyar tha....

pukaar lena....jab yaad aaye ..aaungi sab bandhan tod kar.....rukungi nahin kahin nahin.....sab chod aaungi.....

Age matter?

Yesterday I attended party of my few onsite folks , but I am sorry to say..I haven't enjoyed it....I got bored and somehow ek doubt mind main aa gaya hai....am i eligible for this young group?

I don't know few days before I was mad for their company and enjoy their college typo jokes and non sense and funny talks....it was new for me and some how refreshing...but as the time is passing..ek irritation si ho rahi hai......I am not enjoying them anymore and I am expecting something mature and grown up company......I want to have some special social discussion which I used to do in Delhi with friends of my age group......

Is it matter of age gap? may be the phase of 4 month was "chaar din ki chadani" ...I have lost all charm of this change and now I am back to my old house....I am feeling myself as a different person ...and this is again strange for myself too...The person  I like the most is now more irritating for me...I am not able to bear his jokes anymore.....I want to slap him and ask him to seal his lips....

Its not like I am getting boring... Oldie  and don't wanna have fun in my  life...but somehow I want to do it in mature way....I am feeling now I am grown up......my age and mental level won't accept it now...and I also  knows it is not time being feelings.. It is ROM feelings which is absolutely  non volatile

One thing I realize , sometimes you should left your life decision on time and time is seriously the best healer....and Today it has given me proof...few days back I was going on wrong track and confused about myself and my life goals ...but today's morning is like new life for me...and I think I am clear now and hope won't repeat the  mistake again...........

In my whole conversation I am not saying you should not have young folks in your life....but its good to have mature company with time .....Age gap doesn't matter , what matter only company !!

Company somehow depend on age group and your mindset.....and my mindset has changed now...





 

Why you guys consider me as a Villain?

I am a true liar....I cheat my wife for my gal friend...she is my X one only when I am on bed with my wife and do flirt with her.....My wife is true masterpiece of my infidelity....so man what a big deal...I am managing bed sheet and pillow of different colors in single launch!! Why you guys consider me as a Villain.................

          I love to have two mind...one for lust and another one for love. I love to have women in my life one always above my belt..in my heart and next my licensee who always gimme me pleasure below belt....so what a big deal man? Why you guys consider me as a Villain.................

I look in her eyes and say wifey I am always with you ..I never go with her .I don't know what happened to me at that time...trust me.....and I always lie and smile ....what a stupid woman...what a big deal....if I always give false statement to her..I don't love her after fuck...i don't do my job....because I always want to be jobless in nites...Why my friends jealous of me and they call me  Villain.................  

I don't wanna hurt her ..It is not because I am a gentle man its because I don't want to face reality...and don't wanna give answer of all holy fucking stuff.....I always hide my inner secrets...I am not strong to face and admit my mistakes.....But I am brave for all bad stuff in dark room with all bright fake attitude....

I cheat my brother when he was out of town...I cheat my dad when he was signing his will... I didn't cheat myself when I came to know...I am not capable to adapt holly world... at that time I was true for myself. I am mean and selfish and I am happy for what I am...

I do infidelity and I love be Bad man....because no one wants to be bad man... I am happy and I would not change myself ....so what a big deal...Why you guys consider me as Villain.................   ??








 

Jaane kya baat hai....

Jaane kya baat hai.....kuch kahena tha tumse...
na tum usey samaj paaoge na main kuch samjha paaungi.....
jataane main darr lagta hai...samjhaane main saasein thumm jaati hai.....
majak majak main din nikal jata hai.....

haan yeah shayd galat hai ..pata nahin jaane kya baat hai....

chot khaayi hai is dil ne kayi baar ...phir aaj dil main voh jazbaat aayen hain..
samjhaa rahi hun main apne is dil ko.....mana rahi hun apne mann ko...

lekin pata nahin kyon....main tumko na bhula paa rahi hun....
kahena mujhe tumse bas ek baar ...yeah mohabbat mujhe tumhaare kareeb laa rahi hai......

hey khuda kar do kuch aaisa......joh ho ek sapne jaisa.....
nahin tutana mujhe is baar.....karna hai mujhe pyaar bas akhiri baar...

jaane kya baat hai....kahena hai tha tumse....

I am a lazy ass

Now a days i am behaving like a lazy ass...i don't wanna study don't wanna hang out.. even don't wanna go for a walk alone which i used to go in Delhi....

I am in love with laziness and feeling it.....I love to laying on bed and listening music , thinking ideas which are hopeless , dirty and impractical....i don't wanna take a bath even don't wanna brush my hairs and teeth...always dreaming cranky like ..."i would have 2-3 servants and they will do all my task and say -Yes Boss Yes Boss"...wow!!

Its me? Really Me? How can it possible a gal like me behaving like this My friends call me "jaldibaazi" ..metro....and how come i behave like this...

One more change i have noticed in me , i love sleeping ....which i always avoid at home..i do at office only..

But now a days in office i am not sleeping and i sit on my desk and watching other ass hole guys....

I don't know why people do show off of their work..one of my colleague always open the same screen and press some 'F*' some fucking star..and then press enter...this is continuous step for her in 8 hrs and every step has frequency of 2-3 mints.....

And calculations  8*60 = 480/3 = 160..its means she fuck 160 times in a day with keyboard.. OMG!!

I know my boy frds are missing it...they must be thinking about 160 nite stand with unknown babes and now they have known babes who does the same thing in reverse order!!
Guys its punishment for you...bhagwan sabka pyaar barabar baant deta hai...You have used my giga bite earliar in downloading and no downloading is allowed for limited stock ;-))


This above is again cause of lazy ass....ha ha ha ha So good or bad , i don't know but i love this attitude!!

Why love doesn't happen every time?

Today I was talking to my best friend...and during our chat we had very hot discussion about love -"Why love doesn't happen every time?"

She had very strong relationship with my friend and they both were in deeply love but due to some misunderstanding they gave up to the relationship and move on in their life, now after 2 years still she feels the same for him and she is not in love with her husband...she said he is loving caring and dedicated and the best partner but I don't why I don't love him as much as I should be. I do care and respect him a lot..but somehow I am not madly in love with him....what is the reason??...


Well love is not like it happens only one time in life..it can happen any time with anybody at any point of time and age , but its always happen by its choice only. You can not force yourself....I don't know how we control it...what I feel she is surrounded with many responsibilities after marriage ..so she couldn't find time for herself to feel. May be this is the reason  but when she thinks about her x one she still feels the same as 2 years back...why? I don't know its good or bad but it is not her mistake and I don't think she should change feelings...because it is just feelings....and feelings is not in our control....

What I feel its takes time...may be she cannot love her husband whole life but love will change definition for her when she will become mom and she would pour her whole love , dedication and madness for her kids...because we gals are just like that only.. and I know my friend she is the woman of her rules. Woman knows how to make balance of feelings....sometimes missing part of love from partner make us weak but in other second we diverge ourself for our kids and pour all our love dedication for our kids which somehow fulfill our feelings and hidden loneliness...its my personal experience too.....